What will fall out of the picture?

So, where is Mr. Wonderful? The husband with the helping hand to alleviate the trails of the mothers day? Still at Walmart. I get home and feel a fluster of both disappointment and anger that the children are...well, children. School starts this week for me as well...and I am wondering what will fall out of the picture? Nadia and I both know that school is the right choice right now, only as to how we are going to manage it, we do not know. I also have two clients to do work for this week, and would do more if I had the work, but until Walmart is trumped...what should I do? Anyone who knows me knows that working 1-8:30 on a Sunday is a serious NO-NO. But where are guts to do something about it when the results would only seem to be inability to pay the bills? Is this a faith promoting experience in the school of temporal success from following the Lord in Faith? I would like to think so, but is this anywhere near Nephi being commanded to build a ship?...likening it unto my desire to build a freelance job to support my family that I have spent over a decade learning how to do (and adding another 3 for my Masters Degree in the process)? However possible the discouragements are, and there are many working hard to convince me of my "foolishness", I know I will not have any easier time in the future to accomplish this Degree. Life isn't getting simpler, and I am not getting younger. Some obvious difficulty we have had is the recent move. We have not had a home of our own for longer than two years, some less than 10 months...well, since we lived in gov't subsidized housing in St. Anthony years ago. And that was 2.5 years I think. Very little escapes being a test of faith, but a taste of success would be nice, and a bit of positive accomplishment too. Nevertheless, there is opposition in all things. Especially now that Nadia and I are working hard to go to the temple this summer...or late spring. Mom Williams was going to stop by a couple of times a week and help until yesterday when she tore a ligament or something in her lower leg. She won't be going anywhere, nor helping us soon I don't think...or is that only how it seems. We will have our own cable internet installed on Thursday for usage for school, and for work. Right now, as Nadia mentioned earlier in this blog, we have only one computer, and two enrolled students! And my classes are all ONLINE! I really do not expect too many to agree with my decisions. They clearly appear to overwhelm me, and thus my wife and children. But beyond the limitations of what I think I know, and what others say "makes more sense", I am doing all this regardless to better myself. So many people nowadays put off families and children for jobs and school...they put off school for later "when it will be easier" or "timed better". Many people are even more vocal about decisions ( indirect comment) since everyone is bonkers about the Economy. Well, if I may be so bold ( not to try to be crazy) but when in history was there not some kind of Famine, or curse upon the Land?!!! Lehi left Jerusalem because it was ripe for destruction....to escape the wrath of God upon the people there. And aside from Nephi, his family near constantly reminded him that it was "out of the frying pan-into the fire". And here I get to two points. One is that it was a commandment of the Lord, and He had a destination for them to reach. Second is that this "journey" was "difficult" and tried their faith in Him, whether they believed what He promised. If you reached the waters and realized you had to cross them for say over a year and you had no idea how to build a ship...would you say, "man, I was taken for a fool by a dream", or would you be believing in the face of "obvious problems" that needed solving? Nephi did build a ship, but with the Lord's instruction, not without. So, I will definitely say, I stand before an "Ocean of problems", and have no idea as to myself how to solve them of which I have "gotten myself into". But even greater a fool I would be to be unbelieving in the Lord, that He can guide me, and instruct me in the ways to solve these problems...even when everyone around me may suffer me to feel like a fool. So be it in their eyes. They do not see the solution either. So, it definitely is standing before the Lord asking for direction. I am commanded to lead and care for my family, to provide for their well being and safety. I am commanded to lead them temporally and spiritually in the ways of the Lord. No wonder that the vision of the Tree of Life had people fall away in shame who had partaken of the fruit that was most precious...because they heeded those in the Great and Spacious building. I ask then, what will I really fail at if things do not work out? Bankruptcy? Eternal Slavery to Debtors? Employment at places that I hate to work for for decades, while my decades of education rots in its stewardship? It is as if Laban and his 5,000 have come to slay me, and who do I have on my side but the Lord. :) I am fortunate to have a merciful God whose wisdom and power are greater than all of my adversaries...including me. His Love and His Words are what have sustained me. I am also greatly blessed to have a longsuffering wife who loves me, and children also who love me. I see their faces in my darkest hours and oft survive therefrom. Then what will fall out of the picture? Surely not my family, and therefore surely not me, nor the Lord then; for my family is a constant reminder of His will. I guess all other things are in question...our home, our cars, our educations, our belongings-both dear and replaceable. What is more dear to us than each other and the Lord? This curse upon the land is here...a famine of sorts. Where once they came upon the land as short supply of resource, now it appears as a curse "socioeconomically" upon the land. And how many people blame the Lord when it is us as the people who had first turned away from Him...only now to return, and from pleading to blaming Him for what is happening? The funniest thing is, MY social economic situation is not changed by this. What everybody feels now is what I have felt most of my married life! Sure it is changed by the added fear and fury of those who also now feel it, but Things are no worse. There are only fewer oppportunities in people's minds. Collectively this becomes a reality as companies downsize, jobs are cut, and the mistakes of the few affect the mass of the whole. Where can I turn for peace? In whose arm can I trust? I am just a man. And yet I am such a dreamer...even as a child. Well, I've said more than I needed to outwardly, but matched in small measure what I've said countlessly inside. God is commanding me to build a ship. He giveth no commandment unto the children of men save He prepareth a way that they may accomplish the thing wherewith He hath commanded them. Adeu.

whoa, i don't think i signed up for this!

ok, i'm a fairly patient person, and have to admit that i manage to keep my cool most of the time. yesterday was one of those days though.
i've had to move laundry days back to saturday as there is just not enough time during the week to do it all. so, i'm doing laundry and trying to do some homework as well. shannon is being very cooperative, but the older two are not making things easy. they get into the kitchen drawer and spread the snack baggies all over the floor. they keep sneaking outside, and taylor had been sick. they got a hold of some yarn and had it unwound all over the front room. i told them they needed to clean that up, when i went back to check on them, they had a whole pound of cheese out, and there was hair laying on the floor. they had gotten a hold of the kitchen scissors and cut up the yarn, and elizabeths hair. they had cut enough hair that i had to finish the job and even things out.
of my homework, i was able to get a little bit of research done. but i had 4 papers that needed to be written, lots of reading to do, and a test to study for. i didn't get any of it done.

what's that smell?

i know i just posted something, but this was too good to not tell. i wish i'd taken pictures though. why is it that you only think of that afterwards, and not when it's still there?

it's sunday, i'm sitting here in my bedroom indexing cause it's the best room in the house to get an internet signal. the baby is asleep in the crib and the kids are playing in their bedroom, or so i thought. shannon woke up and i went to go feed her in the front room. as i'm walking out, i smell something funny. i notice that the kids are in the front room, and i ask them what they've been into. taylor tells me "nothing," i tell him that's a lie cause i can smell it. then i start looking a little closer. there are large black spots on the carpet in front of the door. it hits me then what the smell was, shoe polish. they had gotten into a thing of shoe polish and proceeded to paint with it on the carpet. not a good thing. (oh, and this is after i've already cleaned up sugar once today.)

i put shannon in the swing and got to work cleaning the floor. i found the shopvac, emptied it, took the dry vac sleeve off, and got the prespot and the sol-u-mel. i sprayed the carpet with the presot, let it sit for a few minutes, dumped some water on the spots and then vaccumed it all up. i was shocked and amazed that it took it all out. i didn't have to use the sol-u-mel, the prespot did the job. WOW!! since the carpet is so old, and has very little padding underneath it, it looks spotty from the cleaning, and still looks filthy, but at least the shoe polish is out.

can openers . . . beware

you know those can openers that don't leave any sharp edges on the cans? they are pretty safe, right? YEAH, RIGHT!!
i about took my finger off last night with mine. i was opening a can of olives for dinner, and my hand slipped off the turning handle. well, my finger slid inside it, and took out a chunk of my finger.
looking at it now, i probably should have gone in and had it looked at, it might have needed stitches. it looks a lot worse now than it did last night. it borders my fingernail and i didn't think there was much they could have done about it, so i just put a bandaid on it, and left it at that. however, it's about the size of pencil eraser and about an 1/8 inch thick. not only that, but it hurts like nothing else.

CRASH!!!

ok, a few people know, but i wanted to let everyone know that we are all okay.

shannon and i had a wic appointment about 2 weeks ago. it was icy, as it had rained and then snowed and then everything froze. as we were headed to run a few more errands, the car slid through a stop sign and hit a dump truck. i had made sure to give myself ample time to stop, but because of the ice, we didn't (obviously!). i laid on the horn to let the driver of the truck know that i couldn't stop, and prayed that no one would get hurt. (btw- i had all 3 kids with me.) the car managed to turn just enough that i glanced off the back tire of the truck instead of hitting the middle or front like i would have. that was a blessing. so, it tried to take off my front bumper! i lost lights on the drivers side, and about lost my bumper. no one was injured.
the cops came and we did the whole accident thing, then i headed home to call the insurance and relax. i took the car to the repair shop on tuesday, and didn't get my rental until wednesday. it took a week to get the van fixed, but it looks great. the bill came to about $2300. thankfully, we have insurance, so we only had to pay the deductible of $250. considering that i can't pay my gas bill, that's a payment i had to squeeze out. (btw-the gas bill is $260) but, the van is better now, and like i said everyone is okay.

oh, i'm glad i pay my tithing. ie fire insurance

Masters Degree

So, with little time, and droopy eyelids I announce that I am in efforts to begin my Masters Degree at the Academy of Art in San Francisco. They have an entire online system to offer top of the line education from anywhere. A friend of mine just graduated from BYUI and started at the Academy. He saw me while I was "stocking milk" at Walmart and we had a quick chat about what he was doing. I had plans last year to try to attend the Academy, but didn't go through with it then. Time is short and things are in a good placement...kinda. This will be a true challenge to do since Nadia is in school also and I have a few clients I am doing artwork for now. We worry mostly about the kids, but if Nadia and I are going to do this, now is the time when we are young. It won't get any easier. Otherwise, I will end up working for Walmart for the rest of my life... and not doing much artwork at all. It would be really sad to give up my artwork to crunch hours at Walmart... to maybe make ends meet. Especially since I have the opportunity to make much more doing my art. We are also working with Meleleuca to earn money. With Nadia off of the phones and not working there as she did before, we can sell the products now. We have used the products for years now, and won't go back. Powerful, safe for kids and family, and concentrated for longer usage, money saving... and we like that a lot. So, in the hopes that all goes well, and financial aid works, clients are served, kids are ok and loved, time is wisely spent.... we will survive. This is also a time where Nadia and I are working towards going to the Temple this spring or summer. Mostly this will be her waiting for me to catch up to her since she has been worthy for some time now. Well, I'm exhausted, a lot to do still. Hope all is well with everyone else. Take care.

strange times

so, it's been a weird week, and it's only wednesday!
i got in an accident on monday. thankfully, no one was hurt. i was heading home from wic, when i hit some black ice at an intersection and ran into the back tire of a dump truck. there was no damage to the truck, of course, but the front end of my van was nearly torn off. ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. but it was a bad day. it nearly tore off my front bumper, bent the frame a little under the hood, and smashed off the headlights. the cops came and took statements, and pics, and then i headed home. when i got home, i called the insurance and we got appointments set up to fix the van and get me a rental. the van should be done early next week. my rental is an 08 dodge caravan. it doesn't have a traditional key!
i started school today, and that was an adventure too. i was worried that i might be doing the wrong thing, since everything seems to be working against me going back. but as i was sitting there in my class today, it felt right. i was only enrolled for 11 cr, but the class that i need to fill out my schedule isn't open at all right now. i'm going to keep trying. in the meantime, i signed up for a fit for life class. it helps you create a plan for staying healthy for the rest of your life. it sounds interesting, but i really don't have credits to be throwing around.
i've learned the hard way that when i eat too much chocolate, we have a bad night. chocolate gives shannon some serious belly aches.

New Year, New Challenges

Well, it has been the first week of 2009. Nadia and I don't really know how we are surviving, but we say our prayers with kids most every night, and try to keep each other posted on what happens during the day and what we are planning. She has some new things happening that I will let her explain later when she begins them. So far we still sleep awkwardly with Shannon through the night. We noticed that her bottom teeth are trying to break through....which baffled us to be honest. I guess three years is long enough to forget what babies go through, but it seems like Shannon is ahead on a lot of things. Taylor will be 5 by tomorrow, so he will be excited. We don't know for sure what we are going to do, but I hope we can give him a good birthday. My fifth birthday came about 6 to 10 months after my first home burned down, so I am glad he hasn't had to deal with a tragedy like that at a young age....although, he has already had six different homes! Pondiside Gardens in St. Anthony is where he lived after he and Elizabeth both were born, and then we moved into Baywood apartments in Rexburg, whereafter she and the kids went to Missouri to Lee's Summit to live with grandparents to take care of sick grandpa ( while I stayed in Idaho and finished school), then we moved into the Romney's house, then Brent and Trisha Larsens home, and now this home....phew. More homes than years alive. Poor kid is pretty resilient though. Both he and Elizabeth are. They play together pretty well, when Elizabeth isn't stomping on him and he isn't bitting her. Anyway, I hope Nadia gets to update a little. I am still working at Walmart but during the days, whilst connecting with friends and networking with their connections to try to get my illustration career jumpstarted. With the economy scaring everybody, it has been hard to find sustainable work. Lots of little low pay stuff though, that never stops actually. Art is "always" in demand somehow. So, later everyone. Take care, and drive safe.
Shaun