What will fall out of the picture?

So, where is Mr. Wonderful? The husband with the helping hand to alleviate the trails of the mothers day? Still at Walmart. I get home and feel a fluster of both disappointment and anger that the children are...well, children. School starts this week for me as well...and I am wondering what will fall out of the picture? Nadia and I both know that school is the right choice right now, only as to how we are going to manage it, we do not know. I also have two clients to do work for this week, and would do more if I had the work, but until Walmart is trumped...what should I do? Anyone who knows me knows that working 1-8:30 on a Sunday is a serious NO-NO. But where are guts to do something about it when the results would only seem to be inability to pay the bills? Is this a faith promoting experience in the school of temporal success from following the Lord in Faith? I would like to think so, but is this anywhere near Nephi being commanded to build a ship?...likening it unto my desire to build a freelance job to support my family that I have spent over a decade learning how to do (and adding another 3 for my Masters Degree in the process)? However possible the discouragements are, and there are many working hard to convince me of my "foolishness", I know I will not have any easier time in the future to accomplish this Degree. Life isn't getting simpler, and I am not getting younger. Some obvious difficulty we have had is the recent move. We have not had a home of our own for longer than two years, some less than 10 months...well, since we lived in gov't subsidized housing in St. Anthony years ago. And that was 2.5 years I think. Very little escapes being a test of faith, but a taste of success would be nice, and a bit of positive accomplishment too. Nevertheless, there is opposition in all things. Especially now that Nadia and I are working hard to go to the temple this summer...or late spring. Mom Williams was going to stop by a couple of times a week and help until yesterday when she tore a ligament or something in her lower leg. She won't be going anywhere, nor helping us soon I don't think...or is that only how it seems. We will have our own cable internet installed on Thursday for usage for school, and for work. Right now, as Nadia mentioned earlier in this blog, we have only one computer, and two enrolled students! And my classes are all ONLINE! I really do not expect too many to agree with my decisions. They clearly appear to overwhelm me, and thus my wife and children. But beyond the limitations of what I think I know, and what others say "makes more sense", I am doing all this regardless to better myself. So many people nowadays put off families and children for jobs and school...they put off school for later "when it will be easier" or "timed better". Many people are even more vocal about decisions ( indirect comment) since everyone is bonkers about the Economy. Well, if I may be so bold ( not to try to be crazy) but when in history was there not some kind of Famine, or curse upon the Land?!!! Lehi left Jerusalem because it was ripe for destruction....to escape the wrath of God upon the people there. And aside from Nephi, his family near constantly reminded him that it was "out of the frying pan-into the fire". And here I get to two points. One is that it was a commandment of the Lord, and He had a destination for them to reach. Second is that this "journey" was "difficult" and tried their faith in Him, whether they believed what He promised. If you reached the waters and realized you had to cross them for say over a year and you had no idea how to build a ship...would you say, "man, I was taken for a fool by a dream", or would you be believing in the face of "obvious problems" that needed solving? Nephi did build a ship, but with the Lord's instruction, not without. So, I will definitely say, I stand before an "Ocean of problems", and have no idea as to myself how to solve them of which I have "gotten myself into". But even greater a fool I would be to be unbelieving in the Lord, that He can guide me, and instruct me in the ways to solve these problems...even when everyone around me may suffer me to feel like a fool. So be it in their eyes. They do not see the solution either. So, it definitely is standing before the Lord asking for direction. I am commanded to lead and care for my family, to provide for their well being and safety. I am commanded to lead them temporally and spiritually in the ways of the Lord. No wonder that the vision of the Tree of Life had people fall away in shame who had partaken of the fruit that was most precious...because they heeded those in the Great and Spacious building. I ask then, what will I really fail at if things do not work out? Bankruptcy? Eternal Slavery to Debtors? Employment at places that I hate to work for for decades, while my decades of education rots in its stewardship? It is as if Laban and his 5,000 have come to slay me, and who do I have on my side but the Lord. :) I am fortunate to have a merciful God whose wisdom and power are greater than all of my adversaries...including me. His Love and His Words are what have sustained me. I am also greatly blessed to have a longsuffering wife who loves me, and children also who love me. I see their faces in my darkest hours and oft survive therefrom. Then what will fall out of the picture? Surely not my family, and therefore surely not me, nor the Lord then; for my family is a constant reminder of His will. I guess all other things are in question...our home, our cars, our educations, our belongings-both dear and replaceable. What is more dear to us than each other and the Lord? This curse upon the land is here...a famine of sorts. Where once they came upon the land as short supply of resource, now it appears as a curse "socioeconomically" upon the land. And how many people blame the Lord when it is us as the people who had first turned away from Him...only now to return, and from pleading to blaming Him for what is happening? The funniest thing is, MY social economic situation is not changed by this. What everybody feels now is what I have felt most of my married life! Sure it is changed by the added fear and fury of those who also now feel it, but Things are no worse. There are only fewer oppportunities in people's minds. Collectively this becomes a reality as companies downsize, jobs are cut, and the mistakes of the few affect the mass of the whole. Where can I turn for peace? In whose arm can I trust? I am just a man. And yet I am such a dreamer...even as a child. Well, I've said more than I needed to outwardly, but matched in small measure what I've said countlessly inside. God is commanding me to build a ship. He giveth no commandment unto the children of men save He prepareth a way that they may accomplish the thing wherewith He hath commanded them. Adeu.