plans

i woke up with a list of things that needed to be done; and knowing that there was no way to get it all done today. even if i had a good day and felt well.

the entire house needs to be cleaned. front room, living room, bedrooms, kitchen, bathrooms. the lawn needed mowed, the weeds chopped. the front flower bed prepared for some veggies, and planted. laundry done and put away, including sheets. making dinner, and getting a few groceries.

that doesn't even include the things i would LIKE to do. like the baking, and sewing, and crafts. it's so frustrating to never know how i'm going to feel each day so i can plan things.

processing

yesterday was a rough day. i woke up feeling odd, and was never really able to figure out why. i'm inclined to say that it was mostly emotional (with the clinical depression, anything that affects my hormones, sends the depression spiraling. whether up or down, i can never guess). i tried to get some things done, but it was difficult.
then, last night, we went and visited some friends. we had apple pie a la mode, and played games and talked. it was really nice. they had been through a difficult miscarriage in the past and completely understood how hard it was for me. she let me talk, and didn't make me feel like i was being ungrateful because i already have 5 healthy kids.

last night, the insomnia hit again. even though we didn't get home until after 12 last night, it was nearly 3 before i fell asleep. michael woke up about 1:30 with charlie horses, and i laid with him for a bit, he joined me in my bed around 6 this morning though.

shannon didn't feel well yesterday. she lounged around and pretty much "vanished" (this is the child that is always running and doing SOMETHING). in the afternoon she complained that her head hurt, i told her she could go finish the movie they were watching or go to bed. she went to bed...! when she woke up, shaun discovered that she had a fever! 102.5... i was surprised; especially since she said the only thing wrong was that her head hurt. gave her some tylenol, and she rebounded after it kicked in.

this morning, she was warm again, but so was taylor... i still haven't figured out what they had, but they both seem to be doing better now.

i'm hoping that things will just continue to get better and that i won't have any really bad days. but only time will tell.

tonight, my heart hurts.

went to the doctor today for a sprout check. we couldn't find a heartbeat (12 weeks is a difficult time to find one). so, we slipped into the sonogram room real quick to catch it. there was no heartbeat. in fact, sprout hadn't grown a single day since the first appointment we had.

i'm also confused. i got a blessing about 6 weeks ago, and was told that i would have the energy i needed for the pregnancy and delivery. and that this baby would be strong and healthy.
i'm unsure how that fits now.

since my body likes to hoard things, we are heading in first thing in the morning for a d&c.

(i'm not even sure how to voice what i'm feeling..

productive

even though i woke up late this morning, after a restless night, i was able to get some things done. in fact, i got some things done that i haven't for weeks.

i made banana bread!
i cooked some chicken for meal prep!
i washed pans!
i made dinner! (ok, this was a remake. we were invited to dinner at some friends last night, after i'd already put the roast in the crockpot) but, i made REAL mashed potatoes today!
i got a couple of loads of laundry done!
i worked on some school stuff!

i'm really hoping that this is the beginning of me starting to feel better.

good daddy

poor shaun spent half the night up with sick kids.

ashley threw up just before we sent her to bed, and kept going until about 2.
taylor started at 4, and finished out the night.

ashley once again threw up this morning. even though i was right there, the smell of the stomach acid made me want to barf.

looks like we'll have a lazy day instead of getting the house cleaned...

reading

about 3 weeks ago, shaun decided that something needed to change, or things were going to get drastic. he started us reading the scriptures as a family. (no, we hadn't been very good at this.)

we've made it through chapter 15 of 1 nephi.

but the biggest change i've seen is in my children's reading abilities. taylor, who was doing well to begin with, just got better. elizabeth, who struggled a little bit, has gotten much more fluent. shannon, who was barely reading (like a total of 6 words), now reads more than 50, on her own!

i had been meaning to start shannon on reading the book of mormon, but with being sick with sprout, i haven't gotten around to it yet.

water

i'm starting to feel better. not always when i need it, but hey, at this point, i'll take what i can get.

yesterday, i was downstairs trying to get some of the laundry taken care of. i walked into the family room to do something, and stepped in a puddle. as i backed away, i stepped in another one. i gave michael a dirty look, positive that i was stepping in pee, and went to get a dirty towel out of the pile in the laundry room to clean it up. it wasn't a puddle of pee.

i have nearly a 5 foot square section of my newly carpeted family room that is soaked! with the constant rain we've been having this last week, my foundation is leaking,     somewhere.

we informed the landlord, who was shocked that we had water. "are you sure you didn't leave the window open? is there a crack in the window? check the rain gutter and make sure that it's not pooling at the house. i just don't understand why you have water downstairs!"

um, this window has NEVER been opened. the walls aren't even damp. the water's not coming through the window.

when we were trying to get walls fixed and painted so the landlord would get the new carpet in, we discovered that the mold from last year's flood wasn't alone. there had already been mold and apparently the source of the problem was not corrected.

in the food storage room, there's a spot on an outside wall that isn't smooth (i don't know what else to call it). there are gaps in the cement. not that you can see the ground on the other side, but enough that if we water over there, we end up with water coming through that wall. i'm almost positive that's what's happening on the wall in the family room.

when we finally heard back from the landlord about the mold, he wanted to paint over everything, and ignore that it was there. he didn't want to make sure that the studs in the wall or the insulation were still good. his solution was to fix the immediate problem (the moldy carpet from the flood), and everything else would be fine.

now, he's paying the price. brand-new carpet that's soaked and stinks, and no idea what's causing it.

we are so fed up with everything that we are seriously considering moving.

good day

i had a great day today! i was mentally all here, and able to reason and think and have semi-serious conversations.

if only every day could be this good....

housing

for the last month, our housing has kind of been up in the air. our lease was up, and idaho housing was having a difficult time getting a hold of the landlord.

10 days before everything was supposed to be in to idaho housing, he informed us that he was going to be raising rent $125 a month. (WHAT?!) needless to say, we were a little concerned. and then we discovered some things that made us first frustrated, and then upset.

by law, in idaho, a landlord must give WRITTEN notice 90 days in advance of any rent increase. appropriate causes to raise rent are tax increases, or hoa fee increases. (he was raising rent to cover the costs of the linoleum and carpet he replaced. not to mention that when he originally set rent, he didn't set it high enough to cover his mortgage...)
idaho housing wants a 60 day written notice of intent to raise rent. (and in my mind, $125 monthly, is excessive.)

he gave us a 10 day, verbal notice. and didn't run any of it through idaho housing first. as they are the the ones that currently pay the rent, that's the important part.

then, the landlord went away for a week to some medical conferences. and then refused to answer or call idaho housing back.
he had a deadline of 12 noon today to get everything in, and then we were scheduled to sign and receive a new voucher for another residence. we would have the rest of the moth to find and get another house approved. (neither of us were looking forward to moving...)

shaun camped out in the landlords doctor office this morning to try and make sure that things got taken care of.
at one, we headed down to our meeting to learn our current housing fate detailed to us. the landlord decided to use one of idaho housing's lease agreements, thereby bystepping all the other problems we were having (WHY didn't he do this in the first place?!).

assuming, (and i know that's a lot to ask) that he got them signed and faxed back, we are safe at the moment for housing. it's a month by month lease, so we or he could decide at any time to terminate, but that's far better than worrying for 3 months whether he'll get all his stuff back in.

teeth

this pregnancy is going to ruin my teeth. if not the sugar, then definitely the citric acid.

even with the phenergran, i am still sick. i have discovered that one of the few things that stops me from feeling sick is lemon jollyranchers.
i've tried the other flavors, they sort of work...sort of. i tried root beer barrels, no luck.

i may not have any teeth by the time the baby comes....

unschooling

i'm considering altering school in the coming fall, again.

we are leaving IDEA (they are now willing to work with me, and are not flexible).
we are starting a program called a2 (acheivement accelerated).  i'm excited for this. it means no outside teacher trying to tell me how or what to teach, or even that they are behind (which i already know. but when the teacher (mom) is sick, and there is so substitute to call, what do you do.).

however, i'm discovering that my kids are more encouraged to learn when they can do it the way they want to. shannon loves to play games, elizabeth loves to cook and sew, and taylor loves legos and reading.
we went to the library on monday, and elizabeth had her mind set on finding books about hawaii. she looked them up on the computer and tracked them down in the shelves all by herself. she's currently devouring them.

i'm going to do a little more research, but i have the feeling that we'll be transitioning more into unschooling than i had anticipated.

meds

there's something to be said for getting medication for illnesses.

my first ob appointment for sprout was last tuesday. i have been so nauseated that i made sure to get something for it.
turns out, i also had strep b. i wasn't aware that it could cause problems this early. however, i spent all of last wednesday and thursday on the couch. i was able to tell taylor and elizabeth to help me out with laundry (everyone was complaining they didn't have anything to wear). but that was about the extent of my abilities.

i feel better today than i have in almost 3 weeks.

hurray for penicillin!!

announcement, announcement, announcement

i was wanting to do something super fun with the kids for this. but i can't seem to care enough to do it.

so....

our williams sprout is due dec 3, 2015

i've been super sick and tired.

monkey food

michael, age 3, "i want monkey food."

mom, " no one else likes the monkey food..."

michael, "i do! but i won't turn into a monkey. i won't.

(monkey food is a type of organic cereal. the box has a picture of a monkey on the front.)