dryer

the dryer has been really squeaky and noisy lately. 

today, i threw a load in, and it wouldn't start! it had power, and would click, but not run. with the help of a friend, we tore it apart to see if we could fix it.

the belt was super loose, and it turns out, one of the pulleys was worn and needed to be replaced.

i quickly ran to an appliance store to see if they might have the piece in stock. they did! i was able to get it put on, then spent 15 minutes trying to figure out how to wrap the belt correctly.

i pulled taylor in to help me, and with the assistance of the repair directions online, and the light on my phone, he was able to figure out how to wrap the belt!

2 hours later, 3 people, and a $24 pulley wheel, the dryer is working, and it's no longer noisy!!

i am superwoman, hear me ROAR!

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the restorative power of sleep.

2. that i am able to repair small things.

3. for love.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the power of love.

2. for healing.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for added strength.

2. for salt

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for second chances.

2. for the gift of peace.

3. that nothing truly ends.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

(ha ha! i didn't get around to finishing this before it posted... oops!)

1.for love.

2. for snow.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the little things.

2. for happy kids

3. for the knowledge that i am never alone.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the beautiful sunshine

2. that even though i don't have much, the lord still gives me enough to be able to help others.

3. for whiny kids...

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. that i have a deep freezer!

2. for restful sleep

3.

Gratitude

today i'm grateful…

1. for quiet moments.

2. for the beautiful falling snow.

3. for encouragement.

Gratitude

Today i'm grateful…

1. for a lovng Father in Heaven.

2. for the incredible power of the priesthood.

3. For sunday afternoon naps.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for my pre-teens.

2. for my ability to cook and bake. it saves us so much money!

3. for kind neighbors.

Life

It's only 2:30pm, and i've already overdone it today. But, that's what happens when mom decides she's not going to wait for everyone else to do things.

My kids' rooms are nearly clean.
I made lunch.
I finished up my recipe binder project that i've been working on for about 2 years (it's not on the colored paper like i wanted, but they are all printed off.).
We got christmas back out to the shed.
My front room and family room are clean (taylor took care of all but the vacuuming though).

Finding balance is difficult. Even more so when i am not feeling great.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. that i can help others.

2. that my kids fight bedtime. (if they sleep in, so can i)

3. that all my family is safe and sound.

birthday boy

12 years ago today, i was in the hospital, in pain, awaiting the arrival of my first-born. labor progressed quickly, and then stopped. a decision was made to utilize the jacuzzi, hoping i could relax enough to be able to deliver.
at 1:37pm, taylor james came into the world. he weighed in at 6 lbs, 8 oz, and was 19-ish inches long.
his arrival started to heal a pain in my heart and soul. you see, he was my 6th pregnancy, but only my first baby.
by 6 weeks old, the kid was sleeping 12 hours through the night!

he's continued to be a great sleeper.

he loves transformers and legos. playing with friends and on the computer or wii.
he's over 5 feet tall, and can already wear shauns shoes...
he loves scouts, and can't wait to get the priesthood and join his other friends in young men.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the puddles of water (its warmed up, and things are starting to melt...)

2. for my beautiful piano, that my children LOVE to play!

3. for my hodge podge front room

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the healing power of the atonement.

2. that it's warm enough for the kids to play outside.

3. for the knowledge of other people

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the hard times.

2. for understanding kids.

3. to be able to resolve issues.

walls

in conversing with a friend, and trying to understand my new awareness, all my walls collapsed.

all the walls i'd constructed to keep keep the pain and anguish at bay, until i could deal with it, crashed to the earth. i sobbed. and although it didn't last long, maybe 5 minutes, it was enough to start the cleansing.

i will heal.

i will become whole again.

i will, eventually, find myself in a position to be able to help others.

it will take some time. and it will take some work. 

but, i will get there.

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the internet. (it's been wonky the last few days)

2. for knowledge. the more you have, the more you are able to do.

3. for easy-going children.

gratitude

today i'm grateful....

1. for my own bed.

2. for plan b's.

3. for slightly warmer weather. i hate driving on ice.

deeper understanding

this week, i learned a few things that suddenly made everything in my life make complete sense. 

we have some friends who are able to see things that most cannot, and some think is "quacky." in their sharing of that info, i was able to understand myself better.

there is an eastern belief in auras. there are 14 of them. basically, it's a more complex personality spectrum. i am a crystal, and shaun is a mental tan.

i was given the information that has been compiled to read through, and light bulbs starting blinking all over the place. nearly every major life experience and how it has affected me was explained. (and the connections kept being made for days...)

~why the gospel has always been instinctual for me. i have never doubted.

~why i was almost instantly able to recognize when people were not being "true"

~why socialization is a frequent problem for me.

~why i have to make sure that everyone else is ok.

~why when i get upset or need to work through things, i have to do it mainly alone

~why my parenting style is "give them the correct principles/tools, and let them govern themselves."

~why it's so extremely difficult for me to talk about my emotions

also, i learned that my aura fractures from trauma. 

i have 4 main fractures. only 3 of which i will share, and 3 widening events.

1~ moving to kansas city as a teen.

2~ unshared

3~ miscarriage #2 ~ miscarriage #6

4~ elizabeths abuse ~ trial ~ jury duty

fracture 1 is completely healed. 

fracture 3 was healed, and then miscarriage #6 (this last one), broke it open again.

fracture 4 had not been started, and then i was called for jury duty on a sexual abuse case...

although, fracture 3 had healed, it was reopened by the newest miscarriage. i am slowly starting to heal it though.

fracture 4 is causing the most problems right now. it happened over 6 years ago. however, i was so focused on making sure that everyone else was ok, that i never took the time to take care of me. 

in counseling, we think that once everyone else was ok, and i was "able" to focus on me, the ptsd finally manifested. the ptsd needs to be addressed, and perhaps then, the fracture can be healed.

i have a lot of work ahead of me, but i'm excited to be able to be whole again.

weekend

the title is a little deceiving...but only because it's been a long weekend.

wednesday afternoon, i got a fabulous massage from my good friend. i felt better, and was able to move easier.

that evening we went to another friends house for a small gathering. we learned some great things, and are way excited to see how everything turns out. 

after the meeting, we started talking. and the conversation lasted until nearly 6 in the morning...

we stayed the night. 

thursday, shaun and i came back into town. i had counseling, and we had already decided to do new years eve with these friends. there was a weather warning for up to 6 inches of snow though...so we packed up a small suitcase in the event that we needed to spend another night. there was no need, but did anyways.

friday, shaun had to move his things out of a space he was borrowing. he spent most of the day helping, and we ended up spending another night. but, only after shaun was convinced that we were not imposing or causing other problems.

saturday, we finally got home around 5pm. 

it was interesting how completely our families blended together. for the most part, the kids all entertained each other, and the adults were able to have some stimulating conversation. (something all parents of small children need!)

long weekend, but extremely insightful and enlightening.

and as a result of this long weekend, they have become family to us. (i love it when that happens!)

gratitude

today i'm grateful...

1. for the ability to relax and recharge.

2. for humorous kids.

3. for the love of my savior.

Gratitude

Today i'm grateful…

1. for adoptive family.

2. For increased understanding.

3. For the realization that i don't have to do it alone.